As of today, my baby is six months old! It brings a lot of emotions; sadness, joy, relief that I’ve kept this tiny human alive thus far…X can now say “mama”, “dada”, and makes a brave attempt at “I love you” (it comes out more like, “ah wah oo”). He has his first tooth. He can sit unassisted. He even pulled up to standing the other day which stressed me out to no end.
All these milestones mark an ending of the baby phase and the beginning of childhood, with the promise of someday adulthood. Ok, I know I’m reaching a bit with that one, but as a mom, it’s hard to NOT look so far ahead. “Enjoy it, it goes so fast” seems to be the mantra on repeat. However, I read an article the other day and really liked the quote that went something like this, “Growing up isn’t a tragedy; it’s the point”.
I can see both sides of it. We struggled to get pregnant and did our best to soak up every single happy milestone because the fear that we might lose him always loomed in the back of my mind. Every week, I dragged out a whiteboard with the week number and date on it to take a picture so that I could watch my belly grow. I did it to celebrate and to have evidence that he was here.
Now that same baby has been born (healthily!) and is six months old! That fear of losing him is still there, but now it’s morphing into a fear of losing his bright and bubbly babyhood. As some of you might know, W and I are in the adoption process too. We don’t know how old our daughter will be when we get her, so X might be the only baby baby (you know what I mean) that we get to experience.
I’m trying to find the balance of cherishing this stage while also rejoicing in his milestones and achievements. Sometimes that means putting my camera away and just enjoying his smiles without frantically trying to document them. Sometimes that means crying over his new developments. God has richly blessed us with our surprise miracle baby and I want to soak up each moment without fear of the future.
Even when he bites the dog.